Personal Reflection 📝
It's official—winter has arrived in Minnesota. Though there's no snow yet, the temperature was -9, with the wind chill this morning in Saint Paul. 🥶
November began with cookie baking and decorating with Joey and Nils. However, with a shortage of Thanksgiving cookie cutters (have you ever tried finding turkey cookie cutters?), we made lots of ghosts, cats, witch's hats, and fish (spooky fish is a thing!)
Notice the (partial) self-portrait painted by Joey in 9th grade in black & white
You may be able to tell whose cookies are whose. 🤣
I caught a nasty cold this month, so I didn't get as much riding in as I'd like (I'm too old to workout through illness and expect to beat it ☹️). However, when I did get out, I enjoyed the beautiful skies and 35W bridge holiday colors.🎄
We celebrated Thanksgiving a day early this year to accommodate the myriad schedules involved. Two of Joey's childhood friends, Ben and Saul, joined us this year. 🩵 It was a true privilege and pleasure to have them at our table to participate in the conversation and laughter, sharing old memories and creating new ones. (However, in the craziness of the day, I forgot to take a photo us all 😕)
This is not Ben or Saul, who joined us for Thanksgiving; this is Nils and his favorite kitty, Mae, who is hoping to capitalize on his generosity. 😹
On Grief
Imagine seeing a video taken eight years ago by your deceased son for the very first time. I had just this experience on Thanksgiving. Though Nicholas isn't in the video, hearing his goofy laugh as he recorded his brother's shenanigans is unspeakably priceless. Nicholas is in the room with us for nine seconds, living, breathing, and laughing. Over and over and over.
When a child dies young, they stop growing older; their faces show no sign of aging, even in dreams. Meanwhile, their friends wake up each morning, open their eyes, and become another day older. They get to create new experiences and memories for themselves and their families, some good, some not so good, but memories nonetheless.
When a parent loses a child, an energy void is left in their absence—a spiritual vacuum in the parent's heart. In consolation, friends of the deceased child are often included in holiday gatherings and vacations—a desperate attempt to replenish the missing child's usurped mana.
Including Joey’s (not-so-young) friends in our Thanksgiving celebration brought the presence and energy I so severely miss, especially during the holidays. And along with them, Nicholas arrived with laughter.
What's next? Surviving Nicholas' 25th birthday on December 15, mine (not my 25th) on the 25th, and my dad's on January 6—the birthday trifecta.
Also, there will be baking, biking, and home remodeling in December. I plan to rip the carpet out of our upstairs bedroom, paint the walls, and install new carpet in December (though new carpet may not happen until the new year). After being trampled, spilled on, and puked on by three boys and their friends for years, you can imagine the carpet's current condition. 🤢 Perhaps I'll share some before, during, and after photos in the December newsletter (if I remember to take them). 😉
Lastly, here's a photo of my first sourdough wheat loaf of the season and another of Jeanne and me. I’m in Wisconsin at Jeanne’s home as I finish this newsletter on the last day of November. This is our first visit since our summer bikepacking adventure… way too long ago. Time to plan our 2025 adventure! 🚴♀️
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This is how I feel…
Thank you for being a part of this transformative journey.
Your support and trust mean the world.
Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief: Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective. Holly is an ICF Master Certified Coach, an IEA Accredited Professional, and an Advanced Certified Mentor Coach specializing in grief, loss, and the Enneagram.
Witnessing Grief: Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations,
An Enneagram Perspective
Holly Margl, MCC, IEA Accredited Professional
Published August 30, 2022: The Compassionate Mind Collaborative
ISBN: 978-1737200673; $19.99
1946 St. Clair Avenue
Saint Paul, Minnesota 55105 USA