On the topic of what not to say to someone experiencing grief or trauma, a friend, Kathy, recently shared something she heard while undergoing cancer treatment; "You poor thing."
I would like to have verbal conversations about these platitudes, not just blogs, but I'll do the best I can and invite you to use the 'comments' box below to make this more interactive.
As you read and absorb the brief statement, "you poor thing." What arises in you?
Here's what Kathy and I feel when we hear this aphorism:
Shame
Pity
Invalidation
Inferiority
Dismissed
Insulted
If you want to support others, whether coach, friend, colleague, or other, keep this phrase out of your vocabulary unless you intend to create an invisible caustic chasm between you.
Pause and Reflect: What energy does "you poor thing" carry for you? Is that your intention?
In my book, Witnessing Grief: Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, an Enneagram Perspective, you can read more about what not to say and why. Witnessing Grief is available on Amazon.
This Statue is called "Emptiness". It is a great attempt at describing how parents feel when Children have died before them. Emptiness' original artist is Albert György. It's a bronze statue located at Lake Geneva, Switzerland.