What does it mean to "other?"
Just what it says—putting people deemed different from yourself into "othering" categories.
Humans crave what's familiar and similar to us (ourselves). So we categorize people and experiences based on our personal biases, creating the categories of self and other.
But do you ever ask yourself if your categories are accurate or true?
What are some ways we automatically self-bolster to the detriment of others?
When we're grateful it's not our child who died.
When we're thankful it wasn't us or someone we love who was raped.
When we're glad we're white while promotions, raises, and bonuses get awarded.
When we're proud addiction isn't our problem.
When we're grateful it's not our house that got robbed.
When we're relieved we didn't get the cancer diagnosis.
When we're pleased we're not the person who failed the exam.
When we're thankful we're not "them" when we see someone pulled over.
How do the above statements land for you?
When we see a person or their experience as not ours, we are othering. When we redirect, dismiss, or minimize because we're uncomfortable, that's othering. When we avoid painful topics, we're othering. When we think it won't happen to us, it's othering.
If we see ourselves as separate from others, including our coaching clients, we are othering.
Pause and Reflect:
On which side of othering do you most often sit?
You can read more about categories, biases, and their impact on our relationships in my book, Witnessing Grief: Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, an Enneagram Perspective. Witnessing Grief is available on Amazon.
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