As we near the end of 2023, I reflect on grief as it ebbs and flows and eternally lingers. I'm heading down a rabbit hole—hang on.
Death is not the only initiator of grief. Grief arrives when we learn that what we believe to be secure, fundamental, and guaranteed is not, like breathing, family, friendship, employment, inclusion, impartiality, objectivity, and honesty. Grief is the great equalizer in life—a Law of One. Yet, predictably, many people still believe they have power over death and life and things and one another, not unlike the sea-dwelling pirates of yesteryear.
After reading The Wager by David Grann, I realized something about piracy—it was a full-time occupation, a line of work. Stealing was a livelihood often initiated by governments. How much grief did piracy inflict? And is that so different from, say our current medical system?
According to Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, Piracy is "the taking of property from others on the open sea by open violence; without lawful authority, and with intent to steal."
People, primarily men, were hired on ships with piracy as their mission. For months or even years, the sailors (pirates) set out to take what was not theirs (gold, silver, jewels, money, weapons, etc.) to earn a living. Someone in power decided they didn't have enough, and the way to acquire what they wanted was by taking it—to steal was to earn what one wanted. This story is older than time—the strong overpower the weak and call it the Law of Nature.
At first glance, we might see money as the purveyor of piracy. But it's not money per se; it's what money provides, i.e., power, confidence, choice, status, potential, and freedom—what the human ego deems valuable.
Envy and perceived lack drive larceny—someone else has more or better than me, whether government, person, nation, race, or community. My lack (genuine or imagined) causes me to feel grief (suffering, hardship). So, getting what I want will eliminate my envy and grief. But is that true?
How can we (individually and collectively) begin to see that we pillage others to suppress envy and lack, thus hoping to avoid grief?
What does it take to interact sans ego interference?
Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief; Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective, coach, coach mentor, and trainer specializing in grief, trauma, and the Enneagram.
Witnessing Grief in Times Square on December 13, 2023!