When we decide to keep all or part of our truth to ourselves within a relationship of some importance, what's the aim?
Do we tell ourselves we're protecting the other person? Or that the other isn't ready to hear everything? Bullshit. And bullshit. We hide what's opportune for ourselves when we omit or distort the truth.
Here's an exploration of a few potential examples:
Who is the coaching client that withholds information?
Someone who doesn't want to change.
Who is the friend you rarely hear from?
An acquaintance.
Who is the colleague purposely excluding what should be shared data?
Someone invested in their individual success.
Who is the company that distills facts and calls it transparency?
You can decide for yourself.
Who is the coach that withholds what might be challenging but beneficial for their client to hear?
Someone with a personal agenda.
Who is the romantic partner that tells half-truths?
Someone who wants to keep their options open.
Sadly, in many cases, the person on the receiving end of deceit by omission discovers that what they thought reliable and sound is not; this is the groundwork of grief if not trauma. Grief arrives when what is fundamental in our lives vanishes—when we lose what is constant and valued, like trust.
Although one may intend their omission to sustain their personal or collective gain, they will ultimately pay the price. What isn't said speaks louder than words. And what's not respected eventually leaves.
Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief; Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective, coach, coach mentor, and trainer specializing in grief, trauma, and the Enneagram.
