The thing they never tell you, or show you in the movies, is how grief becomes so . . . fundamental. To everything you do. It changes the world around you in ways you never expect – including your relationships with other people. They’re kind to you because you’ve lost someone, but they also . . . move away from you. Because deep down, nobody wants to be around grief for too long. It’s a reminder of their own fragility. You become a walking, talking symbol of something that will happen to all of us eventually. So you get a hug, and a kind word. And then they’re gone. And you can’t blame them for it. Any more than you can blame them for not being the one with the dead husband, and for not having a life in tatters.
So Ben’s right. You do hide it. You do put up walls that make you seem okay. It’s easier that way. Keeping people in the dark is better than watching them move away from you.
Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief; Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective, coach, coach mentor, and trainer specializing in grief, trauma, and the Enneagram.
