We all have a stress response; what's yours? 

If you're a coach or other helping professional, it's vital to know your reaction in a stressful moment, so you don't do what your stress response urges when you're with a client. Why? Because you're responsible for staying present and neutral and keeping your shit out of the conversation.

And suppose you're not a coach or other helping professional. In that case, this is for you, too, because we all have conversations and relationships that trigger us, which we damage and maybe even destroy with our lack of self-awareness and uncensored, patterned emotional reactions.

Below are brief descriptions of common stress responses that emerge when we're emotionally triggered—when we hear something we don't like, disagree with, aren't prepared for, aren't well-versed in, or when our word is challenged, among others. All bringing feelings of discomfort, uncertainty, insecurity, or defensiveness.

Try them on and see which feels most familiar.

1. I will tell you about it when I'm emotionally triggered. I'm comfortable letting you know how I feel, whether directly or indirectly. I want you to know precisely why I'm upset, uncomfortable, or angry. If I don't think you understand, I will push and prod until I think you do, even if that means yelling, name-calling, threatening, exaggerating, or shutting you out. It's not hard to see that my authentic yet overzealous emoting can destroy my most valuable relationships.

2. I'm cool as a cucumber when emotionally triggered. In other words, I shut out all emotions and address the present problem, provocation, or antagonist. I adeptly avoid emotional discomfort by redirecting my attention to what I can control, fix, mend, repair, or improve. I'm terrific in a crisis because I remain unflustered and focused. However, people sometimes inaccurately intuit my absence of emotion and feel unimportant, judged, and disconnected from me.

3. I prefer not to focus on negative things, people, experiences, etc. So when I'm emotionally triggered, I use distraction to avoid feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, or troubled. I set about reminding you of positive things, happy times, your talents, and what's going well. Or I might find something fun to do, leave the physical space, or energetically disappear into my imagination until the unpleasant topic or moment passes. Consequently, while I emphasize comfort and pleasure, others sometimes feel invalidated, unseen, and unheard when I avoid what's discomforting or unsettling.

Pause and Reflect:
Which sounds the most like you?
What comes up for you as you consider that insight about yourself?
How might these undiluted reactions impact your clients and your relationship?

What's next? We'll explore that next week. 😉

Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief; Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective, coach, coach mentor, and trainer specializing in grief, trauma, and the Enneagram.