I found feelings I'd not yet encountered and not easily identified while preparing last week's article, Day 1,826. Of course, I wanted to include a fresh photo of Nicholas, but instead, I confronted the reality that I had no new pictures of Nicholas to share because time had moved forward without him.

Here is my reality. Nicholas will never get older than 18 years in memory or image. This realization pisses me off, friends. It's not something most parents have to bear, so for all of the other parents out there carrying this burden, I say to the rest of you—please grasp that knowing we will never again have a current photo of our children is yet another festering wound within an endless series of torturous revelations.

Holly Margl is the award-winning author of Witnessing Grief; Inviting Trauma and Loss to Our Coaching Conversations, An Enneagram Perspective, coach, coach mentor, and trainer specializing in grief, trauma, and the Enneagram.